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WELCOME Once in awhile, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale. What the heart gives away its never gone but kept in the hearts of the others. To truly love another means to let go of all expectations and having full acceptance. In melody divine, my heart beats to rapturous love to call you mine ღ Profile Viewing ♥
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S ecrets Lying Within
May 30, 2014 @ 2:22 AM
So, does every couples have secrets they actually keep from the other party? I really do not know about my boyfriend after my conversation with him, at least I don't. I mean like seriously, what's there to be left with if there are secrets lying within and would only trade it with something in return? Well, I really don't know how I should even talk to him, what am I to him? I truly feel like I am an outsider to him because he doesn't want to tell me about anything, unless i show him my blog, which is this. like really? Does he really have to do this to me? Frankly speaking, I didn't see it coming until just now. He don't even do that to his friends but why is he doing this to me? Am I really that unworthy to him? Or he didn't even trusted me since the beginning that actually make sense why instead of opening his heart to me, he insisted in a trade. I really don't know how I am actually feeling right now, it's indescribable. I am really feeling like I really do suck so much that I have (1) No one to turn to, (2) my boyfriend is keeping his feelings and secrets and whatsoever because I am that unworthy to him and (3) I just suck and (4), (5), (6) and blah blah blah blah... So many emotions running, so much to process, nothing to feel because I do not know what kind of a feeling I should actually be having with what he said. I can't sleep, but there is nothing else I can do - nothing at all. I am feeling, hopeless, and helpless. Maybe right from the start like what I said on Tuesday, I should disappear and stop being a burden to everyone who knows me and continuing to waste the Earth's resources. Like what i told Goy, the time won't be now, not last Tuesday, nor today but someday, when I have given up fighting, knowing very well they i can never compromise to society and that that the society can't accept who I really am, I will still not give in because the day I crash will be the day i leave this world and not to fight against it anymore but still never to compromise. To be honest, after my conversation with him, I really should have done what I said on Tuesday, this relationship is not going well, firstly he have secrets, secondly even he cannot accept me and thirdly, coming to think of it carefully,I am really dumbfound with every single thing he said on Tuesday and Today. Seriously, work hasn't been easy on me, busy, working till late night with me crying in tears to sleep the night before. Boyfriend saying everything that I would have never expected that he would have. Life is not going easy on me either, guess it is retaliating on me for not being compromising I guess. Well, don't be too shock to find out that I suddenly went missing because I have decided that even if I cannot win the battle, I will not lose either. What i can't get over with now is only that I still cannot believe that even my boyfriend is against me just like everyone else. trading? condescending? secrets? Wow. I really didn't see that coming but now I see. Well, I am speechless, that is all Ican actually say because I am really feeling lost and helpless with his words. Enough said for today, shall fuck it and cry myself to sleep again, I guess? Nothing new, have doing so recently. I really miss my parents and uncles. *PS: Girls, I am sorry that if I were to let you guys down one day, but I will cross my heart and promise that it will be the first and the last time. I am really thankful for being the only two being so supportive, just like me and you both against the world. The thought really do make me feel a little better. Labels: Compromise Or Exclude? |